Wednesday, December 5, 2007


This past Tuesday during my Off Top, Ten Likes and Dislikes post, under one of my likes, I listed Magnum XL condoms.

By now, anyone who really takes the time to visit my blog and interact certainly understands how my blog "gets down." Bloggers like my since Day One and faithful blog sistas Shwana, Ushana and my ever since blog female friends gwyneth, sheila, msP, lea, queen, ebonne, ticia, and my sneaky partner in crime Jasmin already know that , at times, I tend to say something simply to get an intended reaction out of people.

That's what I do. I am human. If you are scared, turned off or offended by me, don't call the police (re: stop snitchin') ... just simply go to Church. But you're probably going to end up feeling the same way upon your arrival there as well. If, as soon as you enter the House of Prayer, you see a couple ATM machines in the lobby area then, yes, chances are, you will become just as offended. In either instance, here or there, you are free to turn around and exit. You are minus the bars.

See, as a writer (and yes, believe it or not, I am a writer), not only do I enjoy touching upon certain soul-stirring and joyful emotions of readers ... sometimes, I purposely push buttons for the less heartfelt or comical reaction. No different than what my road dawgs Ambboogie and Slaus (aka Bonnie & Clyde) over at the laughter-filled and forever misbehaving blog O Hell Nawl endlessly accomplish. And quite well, may I add.

So in the spirit of what I try to accomplish here, I never expect for anyone to say "look at this negro" while reading the post. Which was exactly the feeling received after I stumbled upon a post so eloquently written and posted upon a wonderful christian brother's blog, Rich House. I admit I was stunned to see that my words (and others) were taken so serious when, in actuality, it's not that serious at all. Really, it isn't. I think to myself that maybe it wasn't necessarily that particular post which touched a nerve but some others included. Although I've come to realize that with some types of people you don't really have to actually touch a nerve. Like the truest words Tupac Shakur ever spoke, "Niggaz gon' hate you for whatever you do." As a child, my grandmother gave me the same advice. Back then, "It seemed a little unimportant. When she told me, I smiled. Picture (blu)jewels being handed to an innocent child."

As you can see, I am not a christian. So that means I live a sinful life. The same. sinful. life. Christians live. I am confident of that. No, wait, I take that back. Not all Christians, only the ones who judge others in their virtuous attempt to make themselves appear to be something that, if they were truly that deal, it wouldn't have to spoke upon anyways. It would be learned. During my past, acquired, street life-learned knowledge, I always cut out the middle man. Or fear God, and not them. To be honest, "We're probably in Hell already ... our dumbasses not knowing." I think about ish like that when I am in eclectik relaxation mode or deep thought. No, I am not as deep as sweet poets like sojourner or saadia but still I am deep in mental capacity and thus overflowing with substance. If you don't think so then feel free to prove it. You don't know how? Why not? You seem to think you know everything else about me.

Furthermore, I am about money. The root of all evil. I do not love it but I definitely need it. Way more than I could ever need love. Through my poetry blog I forever express my feelings towards love. At the same time, I thoroughly understand thy many ways I can reassuringly live without it. You better ask somebody. Being loved or hated is cool with me either way. Just as long as the monie is in the middle of those two emotions which I so passionately provoke. See, I am real. And I didn't ask to be real. Apparently, I was born this way.

Anyways, if there is nothing I have learned since the ultimate betrayal which led to the fatherly loss of my two little, lovable sable eklektiks (re: kiara and jameelah), I have learned how human beings do not have your best of interest. Only their best of interest. And I rather that. There's no question how I fully understand the way you have to get yours the same way I have to get mines. In other words, I aint trippin' ... just do you cause I do me.

If you don't like it then fine ... pay me no mind.

Because in the extremely painful and vengeance-filled moment where I realized that showing love will get a person shot through the heart quicker than a bullet, I wholeheartedly digress. Truthfully, no matter what else takes place within my life, good or bad, I have come to accept the fact that there will lie an emptiness within my heart which I have to live with each and every day of my life. One in which only someone who has experienced stolen joy will ever understand. So in that cold spirit, I could care less what the next man or woman negatively thinks about me. Nevertheless, I do offer respect. In return, I seek respect. You don't have to "like me." I like me. So trust me when I say -- your like is never what I seek.

Unless you are my proverbial blog crush. If so, then, yes, I will gracefully plead guilty. Like butta, baby.

I could go on and on but I won't. Besides, I have to hurry and get over to cute mouth Sage's blog to read her well-written article on ex-pro football player Michael Vick. So I will attempt to get right to the point. Those who have rapped with me through emails or phone conversations pretty much know that I speak from my heart. I've always spoken from my heart. That's just who I am. And I imagine I have reached the age and gone through enough trials and tribulations in life to rationalize where I created regrets, in my life, as well as the lives of others. Unlike you, I am not perfect. No one is perfect. (re: I forgive your foul act).

Also, when I created this blog, it wasn't created with any thoughts of finding a soulmate, wife, fcuk friend, friend, enemy or long lost relative on it. I created it for the simplest reason of them all - personal growth. In my less than 4 months of blogging and overall trying to live life right, I have come across some of the most engaging people who, next year, I am sure I will have the pleasure of meeting. A couple, anyways. I didn't step on the scene to find love. Love is not what I seek. Contrary to popular belief, I love myself. And after what I suffer through daily, I don't even think I want a relationship, let alone a marriage. I just want to live my life.

Can I live?

This is just a blog. A blog.Nothing I say is going to change the world. After I read about the violent deaths of Martin Luther King and Malcolm X, I understood clearly how the battle to change the world is not mines. It's not yours either. If you just have to change the world then go right ahead. I'll watch

Another thing, I don't think any of my pretty black, beautiful renaissance sistas or attractive bottle blondes were at home pulling their thongs down due to what (you think) certain people may feel my post represent, or should I say mizrepresent. These women have more respect for themselves. When someone makes a preposterous pondering towards these women perhaps not having "sense enough" as far as common sense goes, it not only insults mines but it also insults their intelligence as well. Not one woman looked at the image and thought to themselves "...ooh, Magnum XLs" and fell in love. Any man who was a once upon a time "true player in the game," but eventually shunned that lifestyle and now lives the life of a happily married and perfect man can tell you ... love is a little bit deeper than that. But then again, I could be lying.

As for the post itself, when someone made a comment about my slish not really being that big, I quickly admitted to this. For the most part, no, I am not the captain of the ship, but again I will say "I am on the boat."

Please believe.

In the end, as a writer, I have been taught to welcome any and all criticism. But at the least I felt that, in these days of sexually-transmitted disease, I should have been given credit for spreading safe-sex awareness. And not going raw dawg. But then I forgot how, nowadays, people seem to only ever notice the bad about people. Like they are perfect or something, while others are simply the wretched of the earth.

And that's exactly how gossip begins.