Friday, October 17, 2008

"You let go, and I'll let go too..."


Almost everyone can identify with this saying.

If not, I'm sure you at least know someone who can.

It speaks of a relationship situation where, no matter how much mental, emotional and physical damage is taking place, it could never compare to the pain that would come from the relationship being officially over, permanent heartbreak declared.

A feeling which, in your heart, you've come too far and gone through entirely too much to simply give up and walk away. Deep inside you accept the fact that you're along for the entire ride.

All the way to the end, regardless of whatever The End brings.

You want this person with all your heart. No matter how painful the obvious has become, each and every single time the bell rings you answer the call.

Standing there, ready to go.

You've tried to be with someone else, but they simply will not do.

People often ask what kind of hold does (insert name) have on you, where you continue to love that fool with everything - your heart, mind, body and soul.

It's kinda sick, arriving at the point where people wonder if you are under a spell. They insist that someone had to have placed something in your food.

Some blood, urine, something.

The truth of the matter is - you are madly in love. And well, sometimes love is sick. Although the relationship has begun to take its toll, you refuse to throw in the towel. Sadly, you've now accepted pain as pleasure. The only way for you to truly let go of this person would be if they let go too.





82 comments:

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

I walked away from my first love after 6 years of dating, I couldn't take the heartache and disrespect any more and I would have never walked away from my husband, I "believed" in the til death do us part, but he didn't. But in the end, I'm so very glad and blessed that he "let go", he was not God's plan for me! But the next time, and there will be one, watch out because I ain't letting go!!!!!! (smile)

WOW, I'm the first. Only because I'm up at 5am working my 2nd job...
It's rough being single (lol)

rethots said...

"The only way for you to truly let go of this person would be if they let go too." unfortunately, for ehatever reason.....they are (oops, seemingly might be) willing to let go but, not you.

Does love true conquer all -doubts?

dessex said...

I know someone in a similar situation....She for some reason can't let go of the man who treats her like the scum of the earth, but she says she loves him, and that he feels the same way.

To me letting go is easy, when you are unhappy,

this post will probably hit close to home for a lot people.

FullComplexity said...

Are you spying on me?????

But seriously...

When you sit back and think about it, isn't that some sick ish? I've been there. Done that. It was like an addiction. No matter how much pain, frustration, and confusion he brought me or I brought him, we could not let go.

And when I finally decided to let go, it felt like I was in detox.

It was the worst!!

He was my drug.

That's sick! lol!

Sasha said...

i had this song on repeat when my ex and i broke up...

in fact i cried listening to this song for MONTHS!!

every now and then it still makes me a little emotional--because I connect with every word in that song.

Sasha said...

@ Dessex

"To me letting go is easy, when you are unhappy,

this post will probably hit close to home for a lot people."


Letting go is easy when you're unhappy with the situation---but when you're happy with yourself.

Sometimes people find themselves in a relationship with someone and they let that person define who they are. The thought of being a lone scares them so much the begin to feel that life just cant go on without them. Not because of love--but because its what they have gotten used to.

Leaving a love is a big life change and its definitely not easy, but its the hardest when you're not happy with yourself.

I hope that makes sense LOL

KoffeeD said...

real talk... its hard... honestly it isn't always love.. I should know...

folks above me said it...

anomalistic said...
This post has been removed by the author.
ToshaRenelle said...

Don, why you telling my business in your blog post?! I DID NOT give you permission to do this! LOL! Just kidding, but yeah, I LIVE the words you have typed here.

R said...

I have DEFINITELY been down that road before.

Blog Queen said...

Have you been looking through my window?..pervert!!!! Just kidding. It's amazing. I had a conversation this morning about many of the things you mentioned in this post.

There is no real answer other than letting go together. I know I can't do it alone...never have been able to.....

Bam said...

* drops chin to chest and raises right hand high...
Damn if this ain't the truth.

*Gives Dessex the side eye.

"she just ain't really had her heart kicked out her back is all... how lucky."

In all seriousness, this song does title a relationship or two that I have lived in... And I think it is a necessary point for people to pass through so they can understand what they do and do not want in a relationship and in a person of the opposite sex.

Later,
B

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

Lauryn was going through sometime when she wrote this song. She hit it right on the head.

I've been there. Even though we were both tired of the fussing and fighting, we couldn't let go. I use to tell him "let me go" so I can. I didn't want to be the first to leave.

The Jaded NYer said...

oooh- I like what Sasha had to say:

Letting go is easy when you're unhappy with the situation---but when you're happy with yourself.

because I can honestly say that's what it took for me to finally end my marriage. I was unhappy with the relationship, but my self-esteem was in the toilet. Once I started feeling better about myself I realized: "I can do better without you" and put up the peace sign.

Charles said...

Thats real. I kinda sorta used to be in that situation where the whole relationship was toxic, but I couldn't let it go. I mean, I've been through this with you, I've been through that with you...shit not much more should matter. Then she just walked out...and I was the only one left to pick up the pieces.

I don't mean to openly disagree with Dessex, but sometimes, you want so much more...and you know somewhere deep down you can accomplish so much more, and you don't want to let go, no matter how loud your mind is shouting to you that you should...all it takes is that whisper from your heart, and you'll hold on to it.

Sherria said...

I've been in this type of masochistic relationship before. I finally learned that the little gratification I got from the relationship was subdued by all the pain. I'm happy to say that Dana Gilmore's "Wife Woman Friend" got me through!!! Nice blog

mp1 v.8.0 said...

It does hit close to home. I remember thinking that as soon as bad times come, I'm out this piece. Maturity has changed that thought process, and I'm accepting that bad comes with the good. Working through the bad makes the good times that much better. I'm curious what else I will learn, and how soon I will learn it.

Raven said...

Damn...I've been there. It is a time I do not care to revisit, but we learn from our mistakes.

Sexxy Luv said...

Yea....

I decided earlier this week that i'm letting go for real, i also asked him to let me go....for the both of us.

moving on is not easy but it has to be done.

damn this post kinda hurt me a little...

have a great weekend! :)

HD said...

You def spoke to a lot of people with this post, I mean for me it def hit very close to home. You made it very clear, its the simple fact of being 'madly in love' with the person that lets us hold on, even when there is a clear distinct, notion that the other person may not feel the same way or isn't willing to compromise for the sake of the relationship. I sometimes wonder if by saying that 'we are madly in love with the person', is just an excuse for other reasons why we can't just leave, like the fear of being lonely. Whatever the case may be, love makes us do some crazy things.....

As always great post!

Lady~Daydreamer said...

Oh Don. This post is so on point. That song is in my 25 most played on my IPOD. It's crazy...this hold certain people have on us.

Shelia said...

Letting go is one of the hardest things to do when you really love someone. The only thing sometimes love just isn't enough and to be faced with that realization can hurt. The hardest thing for me to do is to let go of my ex-fiance. It didn't happen overnight, but once I did let go, I felt like tons of weight had been lifted and I was finally able to move on with my life and no longer allowed him into my world.

KIKI said...

Letting go?

What's that????

I dont let go of ish...even if I dont want you anymore. Sick I know...but I still think of all my ex's as MINE...I've just loaned them out. LOL

But seriously, I currently have an ex, that no matter what we go thru (or who we go thru) we can't leave each other alone. Although we know we could never work in a relationship, we remain "cut buddies" because of the sick obsession we have with each other; kind of like "I dont want you...but I dont want anyone else to have you either!"

So I guess I really do have a problem with letting go...*shrugs*...oh well...

Mizrepresent said...

I so love this song! Letting go, esp if you are still in love with that person or even the idea of love is very difficult. For my ex, it wasn't so difficult because he simply didn't love me anymore.

MysTery said...

Good post Don.

But sometimes we must let go cause they may never be strong enough to.
May God be with us! lol. 4real.

Darius T. Williams said...

BOY - this is ON POINT! Like forreal...this is really on point. Such truth!

1/3 said...

ive been through this as well...it was so hard to finally let go but when i did a weight was lifted. i think we all have to go through heartbreak to prepare yourself for the person who would never break your heart.

Philly's Andrea said...

Letting go is one of the most pain fullest things a person who is truly in love can do. In you are right, the only way is if the both of you let go. Because even if you are ready, if that person is not, they will continue to push their feelings onto you, forcing all of those power feelings that bond you.


loving you is like a battle, and we both end up with scars.


~A~

Shell said...

What is up with these posts, Don. You must be reading my mind. This is just to deep for me to comment on right now.

Jaded said...

Damn. This is a post I *needed* to read... I play this song in my car and I'm like, I so feel what she's saying.

I.Am.Spoken.Word. said...

I love this song to my soul.
...i was in that place for 1 1/2 years. It was over. Clearly. But I was too stubborn and afraid to let him go.

What if love never happened to me again?

So I remained stubborn until the decision was made for me.
He slept with a married woman and has a child with her.

But praise be to God.
The hurt that I endured wasn't for naught.

Because I could not imagine.
Being this happy.
Ever.

;0)

The Dreamy One said...

Unfortunately I didn't let go but my ex did! That was the most fulfilling thing he could have done for me despite the fact that it hurt.

I cried and was angry but once he was out my system I was able to grow and get my self esteem back! Sometimes we tend to let being in a relationship validate over self worth!

Even though I'm single, I am happy!!!

Great post Don.

Foia said...

Hey hun, you gotta clean ur system out. i know all too well about that..cold turkey is the best.

Tiffer said...

I know all to well about this feeling. The hardest thing to do is let go when the other still has a kung-fo grip on your heart, but love is not painful, dependency is. And at some point we have to let go and know that the end result will be better than the pain that we are feeling at the moment.

Brandi said...

When I tell you the Mis-Education carried me through 1999 that is an understatement. I LOVED that song and every word because I felt like she was speaking just to me...

missrook said...

It could all be so simple, but you'd rather make it hard...Loving you is like a battle and we both end up with scars........

I keep letting you back in...how can I explain myself. As painful as this thing has been... I just can't be w/ no one else.


Man, Lauryn Hill is that fiyah!

Love...can't live with it(sometimes)....can't live without out! LOL

Muze said...

man.

man o man.

this song speaks to my soul. i swear it does.

i have been the one who was too afraid and too stubborn, and too much in plain ol' denial to let go. one of the most painful situations i've been in to date.

love can hurt more than any physical scar, i know this to be true.

i have also been the one who let go and was held on to with the death grip.

either situation isn't healthy.

loving you is like a battle... and we both end up with scars..

man.

i miss lauryn sooo much. so real. i'm going to listen to this right now.

great post.

i think one of my favs.

have a good weekend.

Ed The Sports Fan said...

keep up the posting man, nice work!

-Ed.
www.edthesportsfan.com

Tawanna said...

Whew!!! Love is the only thing I know that can bring a grown man to his knees. It's the most powerful thing in existence.

The Fitness Diva said...

Sometimes love is sick! I totally have to agree! ;)

poison.ivy said...

this hit home.....thanks don

Jaz said...

i feel you. my first love has been locked up for 5 years (12 more to go) and the letters are still being exchanged. a phone call from him can lift my spirits like no other. I'm dating other people, but he still has my heart.

Honey Devereaux said...

OMG!!! I know how this feels. I was this person. My ex and I were together for 6yrs and we never wanted to let go, even after the breakup. He was stronger than me at the time, and he finally let go. That's when I officially let go. I thought I would never make it through that breakup, but I did. But it was hard hell.

Love is a funny thing. It's definitely a roller coaster ride. All you can do is enjoy the ride, give your all, and hope for the best. If it doesn't work out, take time to reflect, and then start over again.

Oh that song brings back so many memories.

Virtuous said...

Been there done that and so glad that is over now!
Talked to him last night and I was like...PRAISE GOD that it is O-V-A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha!

The Lady Girl said...

BAM

Hit me smack in the face.

Erica said...

so true.

Kieya said...

not only was this wonderfully written
but you had the perfect song/artist to go with it

Regina said...

Oh Lauryn, Lauryn, what happened to you...

any way, Yea ...
I had to let go of an 11 year marriage, which was hard and it hurt but that was not what God wanted for me or my kids and I had to make a choice...
so I let go...

SLC said...

I know I'm 3 weeks late replying. You know I don't miss a post. First thing I thought of was a culture club song.
Time wont give you time but time makes lovers feel like they've got something real. But you and me know we've got nothing but time, but time won't give you time. People can't let go cause they've invested (or wasted) so much time.

About those haters. I'm jealous of you too cause I can't do what you do. I'm just man enough to admit it. Can I envy a brotha and respect him to.
Anyway this is probably comment # 1,264,478,473,868. Number looks like the deficit. Have a blessed week and remember SLC can't stand you so keep it up.
Peace and Much Respect SLC

Bloggal said...

don...man,you have such a way with words. you speak so plainly, and yet the the emotion is palpable...

i love it. so true. SO dead on.

Sheliza said...

Well spoken post. Lucky for me I have never had to let go!

hardCore said...

lol usually THAT relationship is the one you NEED most to get out of. u only have to go through one of them to know, dysfunction is not the shit to be doing. lol

Attorneymom said...

Don, like Jay-Z, I back. I am sorry. LOL.

princessdominique said...

The only way that will work is if you both do it, if one is holding on and finds a way to use things, people and kids to find a way to need you or stay in contact or visit then it won't work.

princessdominique said...

Great post/topic as always.

Keith said...

Great Post Don...I too was in a relationship like this where I had to let go and couldn't..because I had to see that person everyday.
Once I finnally let go,it was like a huge weight had been lifted from
me..I felt so free. Love that song and that CD.

"Come back Lauryn..Come back."

Standtall said...

Obssession is the word. And it's not good for anyone. Even when the other let go, some will still not be able to bear it. some get violent and all. It's simply not healthy. How r u doing bro?

Will be honoured to interview u on my blog soon

Wisdom Body said...

God is my witness on that experience. It was my first and second loves. My first love was hard because there was no pain within our relationship but I had to let him go for my own reasons. My second love was poison and each touch brought me deeper into sin and pain. I had to force myself in every way to let him go. So I snuck out and left him because I knew if he was there when I left I would still be there. And no matter how bad it was I loved him so much.

Tia's Real Talk said...

I have presented you with the "Gratitude with Attitude" award. I also gave you a shout out on my page! Thanks for the great reads!
You do not have to post it to your page if you do not want to.

Tigeress said...

I'm sure most people can feel you on this. But when we go thru such experiences we all eventually get over it. yeh, we get over it! cos one day u'll wake up and realize you deserve better and recognize ur self worth.

RunGirl. said...

Its amazing that one day that you find you don't care anymore. You feel so free and empowered. Love that. Then what do we do ... we do it all over again, becuase we love that too ...

Good luck

tks mommy said...

Been there, done that, wrote a book about it! I am so a believer that God puts people in your life for a season!

Shelia said...

Where you at Don???

James Tubman said...

i think it has a lot to do with the fact that many of us have been abused psychologically an or physically in our lives

as a result we have been conditioned to think that if somebody really likes us they treat us with abuse

i think i analyze things way too much

antithesis said...

husband,

when are you coming back?!

Demon Hunter said...

Great post, Don. Some people are stronger than others. When someone isn't that strong, they eventually let it go and get the point...

Vivrant Thang said...

I see you been stalking Twitter and not posting because I tweeted about this song this morning :) Or is that just a strange coinkydink? LOL!

I'm actually TOO good at letting go. When it's over, it's like I never knew him. I go through my private pain of course but he would never know it.

Either I'm just evil or I've just never been IN LOVE like that. Not sure I want to be either. Doesn't sound good. Then again, love doesn't hurt. People do.

nikki said...

it is rare that i'm emotionally invested enough not to let go. in fact, i don't think i've ever been that deep in it, primarilly cuz of the pain i've been reading about in the comment section. hell, i had let go of my marriage before we'd even separated.

all that said, i think all of you folk are brave, cuz despite the fact that many of you have experienced heartbreak like that, you still have hope...still look for that love and are willing to give yourself emotionally. i ain't mad at it.

maybe one day i'll be grown up enough to try it.

*TATISHAMARIE* said...

I WOULD SAY I BEEN THERE BUT I STILL THERE..

B-More BAP said...

Don...you just dug a deeper hole in my chest. Thank You! ...for helping me to see myself!!

WOW

Elizabeth said...

Luv, luv, luv this song! Takes me back. I can def relate to the lyrics! Probably not completely that level though. I think I have a different spin on this topic because we DIDN'T let go.
My current fiance and I had been in an off and on again relationship for about 3.5 years and there were def some painful memories, but we were able to learn and grow from them.
The in-between times were hard though...there were times when he was out of my system, but he crept right back in! lol
I can say the difference between a toxic relationship vs one that needs some work, is both people are willing to compromise/change to make it work - and the relationship doesn't break you down or tear you apart but strengthens your bond between one another.
Good post!

Mahoganydymond said...

Oh my Gosh.. I think you were reading my mind or listening to one of my conversations with my ex.
I love him with every beat of my heart. I have tried to move on, but I swear every time I get about half way out the door he is calling.
I told him only how we can get it over and done with is if he just lets go. I am starting to believe he don't know the sense of the word.
My heart tells me to stay, then at times my mind tells me to move on.. Relationships are sometimes more of a headache.

Verbal Vixen said...

I don't know what else to say but Wow.

miss-b. said...

wow.. i think everyone have lived this entire blog down to a T. i know each one of my girls and i have.

and ex-factor. i thought about the song when i read the title of your blog. then i realized you had the vid. up. love it.

miss-b. said...

has*

Dee's Journey said...

just...wow!!! Great post. I walked away from ex of 5 years. Its hard but you need a progressive relationship.

Heather said...

hey don! long time no chat! i completely agree with this, (as you well know)! sometimes, even if they let go, you still just can't.....

love sucks, and is wonderful, and sucks.

Shosho said...

hmm... i have had this happen to me... suffice to say after him driving to me for a year and me moving two states to be closer, he married someone else. i am glad he let go. i never would have. it was like a drug or something. i have never been the addictive type; i can let go of foods, alcohol, weed... etc but in loving this dude i had to really check myself, cause it was like that jill scott song i was singing to him.. my love is better tighter deeper lighter fire higher and he knows it. he's getting a divorce soon but i think i am gone for good this time.

mam said...

I thought I could sustain love no matter what happened. I thought I could endure the pain no matter how hard. I never thought that I would surrender. I had to force myself to decide, either now or never. That was the only options that I could choose otherwise I will always be a prisoner of pain. It was so hard to gamble my future in a kind of relationship that was full of cheat and lies.

Wordaholic said...

Wow,

I have a question Do u read people's minds. It's amazing how your post relates to so many who have or will experience such a love story. Seems you are very intuned with other people's emotions, most importantly your own.

It's so true I have certainly been there. I can't answer why it's so hard to let go. The only thing I can come up with in my rational mind is familiarity, a passion and chemistry that refuses to die because you won't let it.

I concurr, you won't let go unless he/she lets go too. Before I got married I had a love (who shall remain nameless) that fit that story. I only let go when he let go. It was very hard. but, I made it.pheweeeee (lol)

Great post!

Brown English Muffin said...

I remember having this feeling but it wasn't because I was madly in love but more so because I was terrified of moving on and moving into a world of the unknown....life was to familiar and was scared of the unfamiliar.

andi said...

And If you dont love me now, you will never love me again. I can still hear you saying you will never break the chain.