Monday, December 10, 2007

"A man aint supposed to cry..."

At least that's what I hear.

I can't say really I was ever taught that a man isn't supposed to cry. If someone did it wasn't to the point that I believed them or even remember. If anything, while growing up, I believe that notion was more of a learned behavior. Learned, in the sense that I never seen a surrounding male figure shed tears. Well, I shouldn't say never. Whenever the loss of a loved one occurred there were plenty of tears to go around. Besides those unforgettable moments, I can't remember another instance where I've personally seen a grown man cry. But I've seen many instances where I wished the man would simply go ahead and cry and get it over with. Namely when it came to a woman.

Due to how we, as men, completely give ourselves to women unlike anything else in this world, it creates a situation where we hurt upon their caused pain. And this causes us to cry. Unless we fight tears, which I have seen many a man do. Just fight the tears while knowing damn well those fought tears are eating 'em up on the inside. It's sad to see a person not understand this, then it would be if they just broke down. See, you can't keep pain bottled up or else it will dangerously explode. And sometimes take you with it, as we have witnessed.

No, crying doesn't make a man less than a man. To be honest, I think it makes him more of a man. Men who hopelessly fall into the ignorant line of thought about how he will be perceived as being weak must understand that every human being which enters this cold world does so, in tears. And if you were one of the few born without crying, I'm almost certain that a few came rolling down your face once the good doctor laid hands on you. From that day forward, crying only shows you are human. Furthermore, show me a man who doesn't allow himself to cry when it comes to a woman and I will show you a man unable to truly love a woman.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should get up, run into the other room, slam doors and then cry. Now that would be some weak ish especially when there are other ways which offer release in a less noticeable and defiant manner. When it appears as if that woman has somehow managed to reach inside you with both of her cold hands and painfully rip your heart out ... don't sit there all stubborn talking about how "...oh, it aint nothing, it aint nothing."

Without causing a scene, just calmly stand up, grab your car keys and walk outside. Get into your car. Once inside, calmly roll all the windows up then slowly drive off. When your little brother runs up to the car (like he always seem to do when you are trying to dodge everyone) and annoyingly ask, "Where you going? Let me go with you!" Don't be mean. Don't ignore him. Just lie to him and say something like " the store, I'll bring you something back."

Once you get out of view, reach down and put the right song in the player. But don't turn the volume too high. Keep it at a medium, so you can hear yourself think. You will need to be able to think in order to cry the right tears. Once the right lyric connects with the right thought, it's over. Those tears will come shooting out. Don't hold back. Let 'em flow.

After every tear has fallen, turn around and go home. Once there, kindly proceed to slowly climb into the bed and experience one of the best good nights' sleep of your life. Do not call the woman. Just cover your head with the pillow, close your eyes and sleep. Trust me, you will feel much better when you awake. If for some reason you do not, then that only means you really, really loved that woman and you may need to repeat the crying over and over again until you can no longer cry. As you will.

As you can tell, I cry. And I'm never afraid to admit. There are times when I've cried my eyes out. As every man should. At least every now and then. Again, it only shows that you are human. It shows you are a real man with real feelings and real emotions. When I cry, I always tell the ones who may notice how I've been crying to not worry about me. I assure them I will be just fine.

Then I remind them how, "... if you don't see me cry then you should be worried."


  1. "Mike Baisden" wrote opposite, so much so that he titled his thoughts, "Men Cry in the Dark." 'K, back to read post in its entirety. Um, can people get a visit to their blog when they stop and revel in your writing? I'm just saying your presense is um, mixed. But I ain't got no crush on you. *LOL*

  2. Damn. I meant MISSED! your presence. It's early and I haven't exercised the endorphins out of my body yet, nor had my coffee. . .

  3. I figured you to be a crier and I don't mean this in a bad way. I mean it in the way that you describe the neccesity of crying-- for health and sanity reasons. Now I can think of many old and new Hollywood instances of where the guy sheds tears and it was so fake. Most recently the scene in Why Did I Get Married where "Malik Yoba" cried during him and Janet Jackson's scene. The scene where Denzel cried (the name of the movie escapes me) when he held the hospital and the doctors hostage until they found a donor for his dying son seemed a bit forced (IMHO). Oscar-worthy it wasn't, but I am a big Denzel fan (and not for the same reasons as the Cougars croon about; he a'ight in the looks department if I was liking 'em in that age bracket--now I'm must be crossing the Cougar waters sitting here thinkin' bout Columbus Short or Weezy *shiver*). Finally, the scene where Cuba Gooding Jr. cries in Boyz in the Hood was definitely the "realest" (as you so eloquently titled your last piece *LOL*) crying performance from a man, and the "air fighting" thing added so much depth to the whole thing. Funny how your writing gets me to thinking all over the place (Nah, that's jus' me any-damn-way!)

    1st, 2nd and 3rd place. And what, nikkas?

  4. Awwe... Don cries...

    That Jodeci joint is the shiznit... I love them!!!
    Even though they all cracked out now...back in the day... you could not deny them...

  5. Whew! A man that is not ashamed to cry. That is SO refreshing. I tend to like guys who have no problem being strong and able to express, instead of repress their emotions.

    I have experienced the intimacy of sharing very deep emotions and it bonds you to your mate. I have issues with men who call other men you can show emotions a punk.

    It is time to let go of some of the old thinking. Plenty of men have held in the tears only to ruin their health and relationships.

  6. Hi Don,

    This is a very thought provoking post. It made me wonder if not only some men are afraid to cry but some young women. I've noticed a definite hardening of some young women. They seem to have taken on a hip hop “I'm a tuff girl” persona. Hopefully they are still able to cry in the dark.


  7. Nothing wrong with a man crying I actually find it sexy. You have to be secure in your own ish to know that crying doesn't make you less of a man. My hubby is big on the "he don't wanna look lame" ish, I finally broke dat ass down when I said it was over. In the 10 years we had been together I never saw him drop one tear about me or our relationship, but that night he cried and snotted all over my legs.

  8. Great post, Don. I think more men need to cry and let their emotions out in healthy ways.


  9. (from a former Jodeci groupie-in my dreams)

    It messed me up the first time I saw my dad cry, which was at an unfortunate family argument btwn. him, my mother and my sister last Christmas. I'm 27 years old, and had never seen him cry, even at funerals. Really messed me up, even to type it now.

    I think everyone has the capacity to cry, just depends on the situation. My ex-boyfriend cried on the phone with me when he failed the LSAT for the 2nd time. Just depends on what it is, I guess...

  10. OMG! It's about time someone stated this. Crying is needed for emotional health like laughing is! This is good for men and women! Jeez!

    I have had many of those driving cries where the right song and right lyrics just pulls it out of you...

  11. I so feel you on the get in the car and cry bit. To be honest, I have wanted nothing more than to be able to hold my man while he cries, his head gently resting on my bosom, letting out whatever is vexing him at the moment. No greater bonding than that. And yes, I co-sign, the best night's sleep is after one of those deep down soul cries.

  12. If you are upset, sad, or angry.. cry.. what the hell!!! Do it.....

    Me, I used to cry a lot back in the day..

    I cried so much, I have diffuculty doing it!! LOL-- can that be real?

  13. ...unfortunately I have made a lot of men cry. I think my problem is that I never really believe a man cares about me enough, for my words to hurt him. Ok, that might be some bullshit...I might know.
    That's beside the point...

    If a man is going to bust a tear, a silent sob... I get that. I can understand that because I have been there.
    But a dude that wails like a baby and tries to talk in the high pitch voice while snot is dripping down into his mouth...well, I'm just gonna say... I'mma need for my man to still be a man at the end of the day. So visions of him crying like a 10 y.o. little boy is gonna eff me up in the midst of him asking me "who's pussy is this" while slapping me on the ass...
    I'm just sayin'...


  14. By nature, I am not a crier. I don't cry a lot. I wish I did. But I don't. My father just used to drill it in us not too. I can count on one hand the times I saw him cry. It is because, he said crying in front of people can show signs of weakness. I dated a guy who cried a bit to much for me. I just wasn't used to it. When I say crying doesn't come all that easy for me, a lot of people are shocked. I cry more now than ever in my life. So, I think this post can actually apply to both men and women.

  15. Cried when my grandparents died. 1995, 2003, 2004

    Cried when my daughters biological pulled a shotgun on me (not in front of him), but later at home cause I wanted to kill that knee-grow! -- 1995

    Cried when I broke up with this chick I thought I wanted to marry. 1993 -- I later realized I only cried because she was rejecting me over some other knee-grow.

    Other than that, I get an occasional tear when the Holy Spirit decends upon me and I realize that I'm unworthy of God's goodness, but he gives it to me anyway.

  16. oh, and Brian McKnight's album with "Is this the way love goes" is the perfect album to cry to over a woman. I think it was his first album. These brothers even made a movie (I can't remember the name) where a male character got butt naked and balled himself up on the sofa as he cried over his lost love to Brian McKnight.

  17. That's good that you're not afraid to show your emotions. Some men have a hard time showing the vulnerable side of themselves. If men looked it as the same as showing the emotion of being happy, then crying wouldn't be such a big deal.

    A good cry can heal wounds.

  18. "Tearless grief bleeds inwardly". ~ Christian Nevell Bovee

    I say WE [Men & Women] let em' flow as they may.

  19. Love and of my favorite love stories...and of my favorite groups. They made some "real" love music.

    Funny, how our society tends to view men crying as a sign of weakness. I actually see it as a sign of strength...a way of expressing honest emotion.

    Jesus wept. And He wept in public.

    So, keep crying, Don. *sniffle, sniffle*

  20. You're my kind of man Don!

    I don't understand why more men don't cry. I mean if you are sad then cry damnit!!!

  21. that you are writing about this is so ironic. this weekend i witnessed two men very close to me crying over a woman. i wasn't supposed to witness it, but i did. lol. i actually wrote today's post about it.

    i think it's incredibly cool of a man to be able to show his feelings. i'd be scared if he couldn't.

  22. Sometimes Crying is Good, But too much tho and Uhhhmmmm, well you know the rest. Nice post ;-)

  23. I never met a cryer until I met my boo, he cries all the time, especially on movies and he is this big and burly hardcore thug of a man. He gets really sensitive when its his family. He always cries at church, I think its beautiful that he can express himself that way and not hold his pride to high.

  24. man, aint nothing wrong with tears, if u ever heard Jimmy V's speech at the espy's back in the day, he say each day a man should laugh, cry and help somebody. so to me u manin up

  25. pro - micael Baisedn - well, he is more of a fickle limerick than a man - my two cents

    Kwana - agree, i have cried and not afraid to, but im a laugher and lover

  26. I think that tears help the soul to grow. For us to cry, means that we really do care-even tears of anger. It's affecting us for some reason. It's good to get it out, or like you said, it will eat you up inside.

  27. Ah your post was genuinely moving. I thought you treated it with a great deal of respect. It is honorable to cry and there is no shame in doing so and you have shared that sentiment beautifully. I for one appreciated your post and I pause in reverence to it. Happy Holidays!
    By the way--Carol King, The Tapestry album does it for me (smile)

  28. For me when I see a man cry it doesn’t necessarily make him weak as it makes me uncomfortable. Real men don’t cry, if ever or at all. So when they do, my initial reaction would to be "quit crying like a little bitch" or to laugh. However, certain circumstances make it okay. And if it is my man and he goin’ through it, I won’t judge him over some tears…

  29. I personally see nothing wrong with a man who cries. I see it the same as some of the other bloggers, it is an emotion much like laughing.

    I think of tears as a release for me, but still I don't like for others to see me cry and I am a woman.

    So as long as your expressing an emotion and not crying over something stupid like cold carrots, go on and cry and allow yourself to feel.

  30. Our society is just too screwed up. Men can't cry because it makes them look weak. Women can't be angry because it makes them look crazy etc etc. I say embrace your emotions - every single one and screw what anybody else thinks. Bottling your emotions will only make you sick.

  31. Does dry heeving

    I can't cry don..Wrote a post about it on my other blog...Just can't do it. funerals, woman leaving me, punches in the face. I can't cry. I think its an emotional defect I have...

    Seen my daddy cry once and it was my mother that brought him to tears..Since that day I vowed that a woman would never make me cry like that...Probably the reason why I've been throuh so many relationships...Women seem to think I have no emotion...Shit my lady just thinks I'm downright mean...sad thing is i'll probably never change...

  32. Great post.

    Aww Don, you posted the movie that first made me first fall for Sanaa. That's special :)

    Anyhow, I've had an ex break suddenly down sobbing in front of me and then had another silently there were no tears, but he was still crying if that makes sense. I think it will to you. They were two men that had a lot of pain in their lives (those are the type I seem to attract...hmmm) Anyway, I just held them and let them do what they needed to do. Didn't speak because no words were needed.
    I think it bonded us.

    I'm more concerned when a man can't or doesn't cry. That's a lot bottled up and I don't think I want to be around when it explodes. It has to one day.

  33. This is a good post, bruh!
    I cries all the time. Just kidding.
    But I do cry.

    However, I'm still confused about your comment concerning the Omaha shootings post on my page. I hope you were just jokin'. If not, it's a free country.

  34. Yeah I am real concerned when a man doesn't show any type of emotion.

    I remember when I was with a man who freely cried and I was like Wow....he has feelings! Luv that!

    But this is the only line that really spoke to me in this entry "to cry the RIGHT tears" so true! I've learned I need to do that...and much more often for the RIGHT reasons

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  36. AAAAAAH LAAAWD!!! No you didn't pull out the Jodeci!!! Now THAT is the ISH!!!!

  37. Man sometimes when i hold my two sons: Torian and Tristan, I get misty eyed or fuggit I bawl a little. Love those boys mo than life itself. To the point all the material fantasies and fame desires I once worked towards, mean nada to me. Only thing I want is to make sure those two boys grow up with all the proper guidance and love they need from their mom and dad.

    Nothing else matters...

    (cept the lincoln pickup truck i want within 5 years )

    Oh yeah.. and sometimes.. I bawl when i watch Gay's anatomy on ABC. bunk yall i said it.

  38. i actually enjoy if the man i'm dating is going through something and is comfortable enough and open enough with me to show me his tears. to allow me to comfort him in his time of need. i really enjoy that, i believe it makes a couple closer.

  39. A wonderful, heartfelt post,


  40. It was rather interesting for me to read this post. Thanks for it. I like such topics and anything that is connected to this matter. I would like to read a bit more soon.


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