Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Why I Dislike Porn

Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness: I bathe before sex and expect the woman to do the same. No exceptions. To me, the smell of a woman is an important part of surrendering sexual desire. There's nothing like perspiration combined with the natural aroma of a woman. I ask: How am I supposed to plant kisses from head to toe during foreplay if I'm forced to hold my breath the entire time? Seeing as how I believe in enjoying a woman's body for hours at a time, I am quick to take a rain check at the slightest hint of odor. So, while filming, I assume the cameramen wear gas masks.

Faking The Funk: The sounds exiting the mouth of a woman completely manhandled in bed arouses me in a tremendous manner. Once my physical actions are synced with her physical reactions, and vice verse, it's only a matter of time before our bodies are locked in ecstasy. This, for the most part, is a sign of making love in climatic, gasping-for-air fashion. So, whenever I'm inside of a woman whose Moan Game is off-key, it leaves me feeling as if she's in bed with someone other than myself. 

Porn recalls this fact.

Eye Shot: Ladies: I hold sympathy for any woman trusting men involved in situations that cannot be trusted. In other words, The Eye Shot. 

Or, Superman Gone Wrong. 

Every woman knows that men are most vulnerable at their weakest points - it goes without saying. So, when feeling like the strength has been drained from his body, how does the woman expect the man to aim with precision? It's impossible and therefore explains why his load ends up missing her mouth, catching her in the eye. Which is fine, I guess, if it occurs behind closed doors and not on camera where one can hardly tell if the woman is crying or what?

Tears aren't as thick, I suppose.


Phylicia Rashad

Claire Huxtable: Yes. Claire Huxtable is one of the main reasons I'd never cared for porn. Strange, I know. But long before I lost my virginity, I wondered how sex will be. And, due to The Cosby Show, I fantasized immensely about this sweet, chocolate woman. Lord knows I did. There were no sexual thoughts aimed towards daughter Denise as one would expect, at my pre-adolescence. No, it was always Claire. 

In my mind, Mrs. Huxtable is the definition of a woman in all her magic, glory; as sexy and classy and jazzy and fierce as they come.

That said, can you possibly imagineClaire Huxtable in a porno flick? 

Me neither. 

So there is no point in watching, far as I'm concerned.


Lack of Chase: I love the chase. In my opinion, it's the most important element of seduction. The greatest love stories ever told were born through desire, being desired. It creates the foundation on which relationships are born, honored. It also teaches how to give and receive which is the core of all relationships. While removing her clothes, I do so, slowly, reminiscing upon each and every sexual thought encountered and entertained, beforehand. All of which speaks of pure bliss and enjoying the fruits of one's labor. I appreciate women who force men to work hard for them. 

Alas, Tupac Shakur said it best: I don't want it if it's that easy. 

Doesn't Stimulate My Mind: Contrary to popular belief I'm more of the Romeo & Juliet type. As far as soul-stirring goes, it's the love story which gets me every time. I'm drawn to Boy meets Girl, Boy falls in love with Girl, Boy and Girl live happily-ever-after fairy tales. Even if they are just that - tales. It's the women of substance I adore which, in a way, is comparable to home-cooked meals prepared to the delight of the man's taste buds. Due to the fact, much of a woman's ingredients or "sauce" is lost in porn. 

Insecurity:  A woman once assured me that size isn't everything; it's all about the motion of the ocean. But what can I possibly do to a woman that has slept with a baseball bat? Some, the entire bullpen. I mean, seriously. What can I do? Give her a glove? Listen, I'm not the captain of the ship, although I am on the boat. Just not the Titanic, like these porn dudes.

Everyone Had Everyone: Having sex is dangerous. Having sex with any and everyone, even more dangerous, especially unprotected sex. To the day, I'm proud of the fact I've never been to a clinic, and prefer to keep that way. Too many sexual partners and women start resembling empty buckets. 

Blame society. 

And sexually-transmitted diseases found within society. 

Some deadly. 

True enough, no one knows exactly who walks around carrying a bullet in their bloodstream, but if you've ever watched a porno flick, it's obvious those playing [the sexual version of] Russian Roulette.

Bad Acting: So bad, in fact, that during the acting parts you can mute the volume and never miss a thing which is amusing in itself once you realize the characters and script consists mainly of neighbor knocks on door, neighbor asks to borrow a cup of sugar, neighbor invites neighbor inside kitchen, neighbors begin having sex atop kitchen counter. 

The End.

Close Up Shot: The worst. As undramatic and anti-climatic as they come, similar to water doused onto flames which doesn't bode well, audience-wise, seeing as how one expects mental stimulation or emotional capture during sexual acts. With porn, the emotional becomes lost the minute; no I'm sorry, the second certain things are flashed into the viewer's face i.e. nappy, dusty-looking pubic hairs, rashes below the navel area, scars. 

Not to mention the endless amount of spider webbed tattoos along the woman's lower back, hips, thighs. 


Those are stretchmarks? Oh.